Gert

Gert is the main protagonist of I Hate Fairyland.

Section heading
The stories of I Hate Fairyland are a mixture of one-off events tying together a main story of Gertrude and her request to return home. Gertrude's main goal is to find a magic key to the door to Fairyland, however, due to circumstances that seem to be a mixture of her own ineptitude and poor luck, she wanders Fairyland for 27 years, never aging. This leads to Gertrude mentally aging and due to the world she inhabits and constant fear of never going home, she is constantly on the brink of insanity.

First Kill
The first person to set off Gertrude which causes her to disregard the lives of others and go on a series of killing sprees is in fact the moon, a living entity and once the narrator of Gertrude's story. Gertrude uses a cannon to kill the moon (though the moon is later shown in crescent form with many bandages so he may be alive) and then proceeds to kill the stars in the sky as they may be witnesses. This gets the attention of Queen Cloudia who rules Fairyland and was among the first people Gertrude met. Cloudia appears to be annoyed by Gertrude even before the stars are wiped out. In response the slaughter that Gertrude unleashes, she plans to kill, however due to Fairyland law she is unable to use her magic to harm Gertrude and as such hires others including a mercenary, a witch and anyone else able to kill Gertrude, all fail.

Gertrude continues her search for the key along with wiping out any opposition to her goal until she learns that Cloudia has conjured up another child from Earth, Happy. Happy already possesses magical powers when Gertrude met her for the first time and attempted to wipe her out, Gertrude was severely damaged after their first fight.

Gertrude's Powers
In response to Happy's appearance and magical powers, Gertrude looks for a means to level the playing field. She seeks out Lord Darkwraith, considered one of the seven dooms of Fairyland and after Gertrude bests the creatures in his dungeon, she is granted his powers. Which include energy absorption, magical creature manifestation, and the ability to project energy blasts. Gertrude uses her "Kill-You-So-Hard" powers to defeat Happy by splitting the ground and causing Happy to be sucked down into the ground. The ground was sealed and Happy is not seen again, though it is not specified if she is in fact dead or not, simply believed to be so.

Once Happy was defeated (and possibly killed), Gertrude seized the key for herself and was finally able to open the door to return home. The victory was short lived however as Gertrude was preparing to leave after nearly 30 years trapped in her own candy-coated nightmare of talking stuffed animals and mythical creatures, she was confronted by Cloudia who was upset at Happy's demise but glad to finally see Gertrude leaving. Cloudia watched as Gertrude was about to leave and remarked "I am indeed sad, that your goodbye does not contain more death". The response caused Gertrude to pause and kill Cloudia, obliterating her into ash in front of the door. The door then sealed shut with Gertrude stuck in Fairyland as Fairyland law states that any being who kills the current ruler of Fairyland must take their place as ruler of Fairyland.

Gertrude's Dream & Rule
After the death of Cloudia at the hands of Gertrude, she was placed as the new ruler and had a dream of a tyrannical rule where she was powerful, beloved despite her cruelty and finally an adult with a curvaceous and busty build just like that of Cloudia. Gertrude is rocked from her dream by the discussion of signatures and documents as she awakens to find herself, still young and in a throne room being forced to sign paper after paper and learning that the entire job of queen is far more boring than she had bargained for.

Death and return
Gert dies and was trapped in Hell being tortuered by Satan himself. Realising that Gertrude is the only one who can defeat "Dark Cloudia", Duncan and Larry confront the Fairyland Council and tell them that they must resurrect Gertrude to save Fairyland. The Council initially refuse, citing the rules of Fairyland, but Duncan retorts that the rules, and the Council, are directly responsible for the crisis, and that by kidnapping children like him and Gertrude, they have abdicated any moral authority. One of the Council member concedes that Duncan is correct, and orders Bill to deliver the pocket dimension containing Gert's Hell to the council chamber. Duncan and Larry enter Hell and inform Gertrude about Dark Cloudia, Gertrude agrees to kill Cloudia again. When returned to Fairyland she attempts to renege on the deal and demands to return to Hell when she realises that her actions would serve the Council's purpose. The Council nevertheless promises to return Gertrude home if she succeeds, and forcibly empowers her with their combined magic. Meanwhile, Dark Cloudia destroys the army of King Cone, the new Fairyland king, who tried to stop her wave of destruction in vain. Before the villain could slay the king, however, Gert appears and attacks her with their new magical powers, depowering Dark Cloudia and beating her up. Although Gert almost kills Cloudia again, Larry reminds her that the Council never specified that Cloudia has to die in their request, and Gert decides to follow his advice for once and gives the defeated villain to King Cone in order to be imprisoned for her crimes. The Council then appears, angry because Gert didn't kill Cloudia (despite the fact that she technically fulfilled their request) and threatening to exile her to a remote place in Fairyland, until Gert reminds them that she still has their combined magic inside her and would use it to kill them unless they honor their part of the deal, and the fearful Council quickly sends her back home, much to Larry's sorrow. Unfortunately, back on Earth, Gert, now an adult woman in her thirties, finds herself living a boring and depressing life, working as a clerk in a TV station in order to earn a living, missing her life in Fairyland and wishing to return, realising too late that normal life isn't as marvelous as she remembered.

Powers and ablitiles
Gert is combat expert and was able to use magic once.