Thread:Jester of chaos/@comment-26499804-20181002052821/@comment-26499804-20181006233327

Thank you. See the thing is me worring about taking it out on the wrong person everything that is bottled in me has been bottled up as a kid. But now that I am adult I have been letting it out every since the 2018. I worry about letting it out on the wrong person because I have it bottled all the way to the age of 28 and the reason why I say that I am worried because I have noticed that I am angry, yelling, screaming and stomping literally almost every day.

That is why I am worried because if I do that every in private what would if I took that angry and rage out on person I come across on the internet or a person I meet in public. As a kid I kept things bottled up and told everyone that I was okay when in reality I wasn't. But quickly brushed it off and kept a positive attitude always stay in good spirit even when something bothered me and I lied about it not bothering. Now I don't smile as much as I use to and I am almost always in a foul mood sure I was a shy kid who rarely did anything or rarely to people.

But as kid when was kind, polite and helpful to people I meant it back then now I have started to care less about my good attitude and it's all because of how react to another person's actions. As I try to bottle all that up with all the things that have been bottled up as a kid the new problems are exploding out with my old problems. I have a lot of angry inside and whenever I am with my family or other person that I know and I talk about the things that bother me they tell me they don't want to hear. But the thing is growing up as a kid I can not count how many times my dad, mom or siblings always complained about each other and how someone in the family always did something to bother them. It was okay for them to talk about their problems but every time I tried talking about mind they tell me to stop and they don't want to hear anymore.

I was a peace maker in my family trying to always stop fights but my family would get upset with me every time I stepped in to calm things down. But as an adult whenever I spend time with my now that am letting my anger out just like they did they get mad at me for it. The thing I never got mad at my family whenever they were fighting but I never gave up I was always their to fix things. Now my family gets along with each other thanks to me but no of them do that for me when say what's on my mind instead they just yell and get angry. It's not just my it is other people that I know and every time they they always tell well James, but James and when I need to get something off my chest they are like end of story close the book just bottle it back.

Sometimes I feel like going back to being a kid imaging that I was invisible to the world. Because I think that it is a better choice than giving into my angry actually taking it out on the wrong person. But I also shouldn't keep it bottled up.