Howard Clemmons

Howard Clemmons is the main protagonist of Joe Camp's 1976 comedy film Hawmps?. He is a U.S. Army lieutenant who is sent to Texas to convert the cavalry from horses to camels.

He was portrayed by James Hampton and the late Roy Gunsberg as his older self.

History
In 1854, Clemmons had no seniority, power or talent for the army and was therefore chosen to lead an experimental project using camels as cavalry mounts in the southwest U.S. Clemmons remembers arriving at Fort Val Verde, Texas, where Sgt. Uriah Tibbs is expecting Arabian horses. When Tibbs explains that he and his men competed for the privilege of being in the project, Clemmons declines to tell him the “Arabians” are actually camels. Clemmons then reports to the fort's commander, Col. Seymour Hawkins, who is more interested in his cannon practice than Clemmons's camel project. Later, Clemmons inspects the troops, including Nathaniel R. Higgins, who informs Clemmons that he re-enlisted so he could ride an Arabian horse. Although Clemmons wants to tell the men the truth, he is interrupted when a cook throws dishwater out the door and soaks him. When Clemmons and Tibbs later discuss the project at the saloon, they are accosted by Tibbs' rival, Sgt. Naman Tucker, who is outraged his troopers did not receive the Arabian horses. A drunken Clemmons passes out as the two sergeants fight.

The next day, the camels arrive, but the troops ride their horses back to the fort in disgust, leaving Clemmons to deal with the camels. An Arab camel trainer named Hi Jolly reports to Clemmons and as they herd camels through town as the townspeople are horrified to see them. A wagon overturns, and a barrel of molasses splits open covering Hawkins's daughter, Jennifer. Hawkins berates Clemmons for the damage and plans to cancel the project, but Clemmons declares that the orders came from Jefferson Davis, the Secretary of War. That night, Jennifer sneaks into Clemmons's room, pours a small crock of molasses over his head, and declares them even before inviting him to afternoon tea. The next day, Hi Jolly gives his first lesson in camel care as Tucker rides up and insults Tibbs's men. Clemmons warns Tucker that if he insults the camel corps again, Clemmons will put him on report and transfer him into the camel project. To the cheers of Tibbs's men, Tucker apologizes and rides away. As Hi Jolly congratulates his comrade on raising the men's morale, Clemmons faints. Over time, the soldiers continue their camel training, but the lessons do not go well.

As weeks pass, the men become proficient with their camels and Clemmons romances Jennifer. He is ordered to capture a Comanche renegade named Crazy Feathers and Clemmons and his men pursue the outlaws, but they are thrown off their camels at a river. Hi Jolly explains that camels are afraid of water; if Clemmons had dismounted and demonstrated the water was shallow, the camels would have crossed. That night, Jennifer takes a stroll with Clemmons, who tells her Hawkins is cancelling the camel project. When Clemmons whines that he is a failure, Jennifer scolds him for being too cowardly to fight for his career. The next morning, Clemmons proposes a 300-mile race to the town of Dos Rios between his camels and Tucker's horses. When Hawkins declines, Clemmons deceitfully claims that the camel experiment is the President's pet project. Meanwhile, Hi Jolly is injured in a barroom brawl and cannot ride.

Before the race, Jennifer gives Clemmons a thick book on camels and kisses him. Hawkins fires a cannon and the race is on. Tucker's horses outpace Clemmons's camels, but within a few days, Clemmons's men catch up. However, Clemmons learns from Corporal Leroy that Tucker and his men are captured by an outlaw named Bad Jack Cutter at Dagger's Point. Clemmons insists on rescuing Tucker and his men. Clemmons and Tibbs disguise themselves as outlaws to meet Cutter, agreeing to join his gang. They find Tucker and his men in jail and try to pull out the window bars using a horse. The horse fails, but they return with a camel and it demolishes the entire prison. A gunfight is ensued against the outlaws while Tucker and his men flee, leaving Tibbs and Clemmons to face the outlaws alone. Cutter and his men are about to finish them off, but Clemmons's men ride in on camelback, rescuing their leaders, and ride off before the outlaws can get to their horses.

That night, Clemmons discovers they have lost the camel carrying all but one of their water barrels. Clemmons believes they can find water in the mountains, but Tibbs insists they follow the map to the next waterhole. After two days of riding, they discover the hole is dry, and they are out of water. Tibbs wants to ride back to a river, but Clemmons convinces Tibbs to let him try to reach the mountains, ordering Tibbs to head to the river if he does not return by sunset. Clemmons finds water, but it unaware that Cutter is stalking him. Cutter exchanges gunfire with Clemmons as the camel runs away. After sundown, the camel reaches Tibbs and his men. The men drink their fill and go out to save Clemmons. The next morning, Cutter realizes Clemmons is out of ammunition. He climbs down the rocks and shoots Clemmons in the chest but as he celebrates, Tibbs and the men capture him. Much to Tibbs's surprise, Clemmons is saved by the book Jennifer gave him; it was inside his jacket and stopped Cutter's bullet.

Clemmons' troop then race past Tucker and his men's exhausted horses outside Dos Rios. As Clemmons celebrates his victory, a telegram arrives from Washington, D.C., reporting that Congress has approved construction of the transcontinental railroad and the camel project is therefore unnecessary. Clemmons is ordered to turn the camels loose, but Tibbs and the men protest, concerned that the camels will perish in the American desert.

50 years later, he has married to Jennifer and tells his story to his grandchildren. As Clemmons finishes telling the story to his grandchildren, Jennifer announces that dinner is ready. Clemmons goes outside to ring the dinner triangle, but Hi Jolly, Fitzgerald and Tibbs report that one of the camels is in labor. As the four old men walk to the barn, Fitzgerald wonders if they could move the camels closer to the house because he is tired that “each day he must walk a mile for a camel.”