Max Bialystock

'''"How much..... How much do we put in? Bloom, the two cardinal rules of being a Producer are 1. Never put your own money in the show."

- Max Bialystock "And two?"

- Leo Bloom "NEVER PUT YOUR OWN MONEY IN THE SHOW!!!!!!! Ya got that?"

- Max Bialystock during a conversation with Leo. '''  "Oh lord, dear lord..... I WANT THAT MONEY!!!!!!"

- Max Bialystock after Leo leaves him.

Max Bialystock is one of two main characters in Mel Brooks' musical masterpiece. He is a greedy Broadway producer and is also a con man. Most of his plays were always flops and have failed miserably.

He was portrayed by Zero Mostel in the 1968 film and by Nathan Lane in the 2001 Broadway production and the 2005 film.

Personality
As described by the citizens who watched his play, he is a slimy, sleezy man. As descibed by Leo as being slimy, manipulative, underhanded, cunning and conniving, he is also moderately selfish and utterly greedy. He'll do anything for money, including flirting with old ladies and even to the point of having intercourse with them.

In the film
He is first seen when an accountant named Leopold Bloom arrives in his apartment to see him. Bloom dosen't see him anywhere and wanders around the room, to which Max jumps up from the couch and angrily asks Leo who he is and why he's sneaking around. Leo dosen't answer because of fright. Max apologises and asks calmly who the man is. Leo says he is an accountant that has come to check on Max's books. Before he can check however, there is a knock at his door. Max asks who it is, and an elderely voice replies "Hold me, touch me". Max quickly tells Leo to go to the bathroom, but Leo tells him he doesn't have to go, but instead Max tells him to think of Niagra Falls. Max goes to get a picture of Hold me, Touch me, getting his neck struck by a long hanging rope in the rush. He quickly finds a picture of her and puts it up on his shelf and then slicks his hair down with oil. Leo comes out of the bathroom saying that thinking of Niagra falls helped, but Max just pushes him back in and locks the bathroom door. He opens the apartment door to reveal an old lady standing there. Max welcomes her in and asks her for the "checkie" he needs to produce his next play. Hold me Touch me takes it out of her hand bag but before she gives it to him, she asks if they could play a quick "dirty, little game". Max accepts and as they "play", on the couch, Leo comes out of the bathroom to see them and exclaims "Oh my god!" and swiftly runs back in the bathroom. Max stops the "game" and asks for the "checkie" and she gives it to him. After she leaves the apartment, Max lets Leo back out of the bathroom. Max asks to take his coat and then strikes Leo down asking why he's looking up old ladies dresses, thinking Leo was a pervert. Leo says that he wasn't, but Max tells him "Shut up! I'm habing a rhetorical conversation!" He asks him who he used to be, and Leo replies saying that he was Max Bialystock the king of Broadway. He then tells Max that since he was little he had a secret desire to be a Broadway producer. Max tells him to keep it a secret. Leo goes to get his books and Max steps out onto the balcony, seeing a woman dressed in somewhat revealing clothes to which he shouts out to her "That's right, baby! When ya got it, Flaunt it! Flaunt it!"