The New Kid

The New Kid, also known as Dovahkinn and later dubbed Douchebag with the rank of Sir, Commander, and King throughout the game, is the main, playable protagonist of South Park: The Stick of Truth. The new kid is a completely silent protagonist who speaks no words (until the very end of the game) and has no personality. His appearance can be endlessly customized by the player at the beginning of the game and added on with accessories throughout the title.

Past
Dovahkinn was a normal boy with the odd ability to gain friends with great ease, as he had millions of friends on facebook when he was only a toddler. As such, the government noticed this ability and hunted him down in order to take advantage of his powers. Despite their efforts, they failed and Dovahkinn's parents took their son before moving in order to escape the government's clutches.

Beginning
The New Kid moved with his parents to South Park to escape his forgotten past. Sent out to make friends, the New Kid quickly allies with Butters, Princess Kenny and their leader Cartman, who are role-playing as humans in a fantasy war with the drow elves, led by Kyle and Stan. The New Kid, dubbed "Douchebag", is introduced to the Stick of Truth, a coveted item of unlimited power. The elves attack Cartman's backyard castle of Kupa Keep and take the Stick. Angry at his follower Clyde's failure to protect the Stick, Cartman banishes him from the group. Douchebag summons Cartman's best warriors, and together they attack Jimmy, who they learn has the Stick, recovering it for the humans.

Conflict with the government
That night, while Douchebag sleeps, he and several town residents are abducted by aliens. Douchebag escapes his confinement with the help of Stan's dad Randy, and crashes the ship into the town's mall. By morning, the crash has been covered up by the government, with the explanation that a Taco Bell is being built. Douchebag visits Kupa Keep and learns that the Stick was again stolen by the elves. Cartman tasks Douchebag with recruiting the goth kids, who demand that Douchebag prove he is a non-conformist. Randy agrees to help Douchebag in his quest in exchange for Douchebag infiltrating the Taco Bell to discover its secrets. Douchebag sneaks into the crash site and retrieves a recording of government agents discussing their plot to destroy the town, in order to wipe out alien goo released from the ship that turns living creatures into Nazi zombies; an infected person escapes government containment, unleashing the virus on South Park.

That night, Cartman or Kyle (dependant on who the player chooses to follow) leads their respective side against the opposition at the school. After defeating their opponents, the kids learn that neither side has stolen the Stick. Clyde is revealed to have stolen the Stick for revenge at his banishment; he rallies defectors from the humans and elves, and uses the alien goo to create his own Nazi zombies. The humans and elves band together to oppose Clyde, but are too few in number to fight him. At night, Douchebag is awoken by gnomes stealing his underpants; during his pursuit of them, Douchebag gains the ability to change size at will.

Against Clyde
Out of desperation, Douchebag is ordered to invite the girls to play the game. The girls agree to help after Douchebag helps discover which of their friends has been spreading gossip, a quest that sees him infiltrate an abortion clinic, and travel across Canada. Flanked by the girls and Star Trek role-players, the humans and elves attack Clyde's dark tower, fighting through his army. Randy arrives and reveals that the government agents have planted a nuclear device in Mr. Slave's anus to blow up South Park, forcing Douchebag to shrink down and enter Mr. Slave to disarm the bomb. Douchebag finally confronts Clyde, and is forced to battle a resurrected Nazi Zombie Chef; Chef is defeated and Clyde decides he is not playing any more.

End of the War
The government agents arrive, revealing that Douchebag went into hiding to escape them because of his innate ability to make friends on Facebook, which the government wanted to use for its own ends. Learning of the Stick's power, the chief agent takes it for himself and bargains with Douchebag to help him use it in exchange for sharing the power. Douchebag refuses, but Princess Kenny betrays the group, using the stick to fight them and ultimately infecting himself with the Nazi virus. Unable to defeat Princess Kenny, Cartman tells Douchebag to break their sacred rule, by farting on Kenny's balls, which he does. The resulting explosion defeats Kenny, and completely cures the town of the Nazi virus.

In the epilogue, as South Park rebuilds, the group retrieves the Stick of Truth, but decide that its power is too great for any person to hold and throw it into Stark's Pond. Bored of the game, the boys decide to play something else, but Douchebag says, "Screw you guys, I'm going home," and leaves; Cartman replies, "Wow, what a dick!"

Traits and abilities
Since Douchebag is meant to be you, his skills vary extremely. However, no matter what, the characters among South Park mention that Douchebag have three defining traits. His first is of course his silence. This has become a running gag throughout the entire game, as when anyone asks Douchebag a question, he simply stares at them until they give up on trying to communicate with him. The second trait is his notable ability to make friends with extreme ease. The third and final, shown best through Randy Marsh and Terrence and Phillip, is his great "asshole" manipulation.

His sphincter is very powerful, as he has a comical amount of control over it, and can break almost anything with the muscle. His flatulence is very powerful and can break just about anything if held long enough. His other traits lay within the player's abilities and choice, as at the beginning of the game, they are given four choices. Fighter, Mage, Thief, and Jew. A fighter is characterized by great courage and barbaric-esque warrior capabilities, a mage with high intelligence and a nick for "magic, a thief with ninja-like sneaking skills and lock picking abilities, and a jew with ?. Either way, in the official canon, the player beats the game, thus meaning that Douchebag is widely considered a great, skilled warrior no matter what the player chooses.

Throughout the game, he gains several special abilities. These range from Gnome Dust, a handful mound of powder that he snorts like a drug to get smaller or bigger or an Anal Probe, a device planted in his anus that grants him limited teleportation.