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Surprise, cockfags!
~ Chris

Chris is a protagonist of the 2004 satirical action-comedy film Team America: World Police. He has a strong dislike towards actors due to the fact he was raped by some when he was younger. He is an expert with weapons and at fighting, making him a great asset to the team. He is best friends with Joe and helps assist the team in their war on terrorism. He is voiced by Matt Stone.

Early Life

Little is known about Chris' past except for when he was nineteen. When Chris was nineteen the play Cats opened and he was really excited to see it. After the show, he was invited to meet the stars, but the stars were drunk, and Chris was raped by the actors.

This is why he holds such a deep hatred for all actors, including Gary Johnson, who he insults often throughout the film. Chris is what Spottswoode refers to as the best martial-arts expert Detroit has to offer. Chris is therefore originally from Detroit, Michigan.

He is great at hand-to-hand fighting and also an expert at using weapons. Chris is also a smoker, and is seen smoking cigarettes throughout the story, something which would ultimately save the team's lives later on.


Chris assists the other members of the team on a mission to Paris where they infiltrate four terrorists. They open fire on the terrorists and Chris gets into a hand to hand fight with one of them. He manages to beat him and knock him down to the floor. Afterwards, the team regroups to witness Carson propose to Lisa. This is interrupted by the sudden return of a terrorist who murders Carson before being shot dead by Chris and Joe. Chris returns back to H.Q. with his fellow squad members. Later, Chris is at the base to see the arrival of new recruit Gary Johnston, whom he immediately takes a dislike to because of the fact that he's an actor and doesn't trust them because of his past. He is disgusted at the fact that Carson was replaced by an actor. Nonetheless, he goes along with Gary's admission into the team, and travels with him and other members to Cairo to stop a terrorist attack. Chris exclaims that if Gary screws up, then he'll rip his balls off and shove them up his butt. This leads to a rebuttal from Gary who wants to know what Chris's problem with him is. Joe then comes between the two of them and reminds them that the battle is out there with the terrorists, not with each other. When the terrorists spot Team America outside, they flee with Gary in a Jeep and Chris chases after them as the driver of the Team America Hummer. Chris and Joe forget that Gary is with them and don't recognize him. After they kill a few terrorists, the lead terrorist in the Jeep, the Chechnyan Terrorist, decides to blow the Jeep up and take Team America's lives along with their own. They pull the Jeep to the side and then charge at Chris in the Hummer. Lisa appears just in time on a motorcycle and managed to rescue Gary. Chris then activates a special ability in the Hummer which produces a tamp that the terrorists drive straight onto. They fly into the air and crash into a sphinx statue where the truck explodes and kills them. The team then return to Mount Rushmore to celebrate.

Despite the success of the mission thanks to Gary's acting, Chris still dislikes him. Chris is present when the base comes under attack from protesters led by Michael Moore in retaliation for the Panama Bay attack. This causes Gary to leave the team. Chris is the least bothered by Gary's departure and says that they don't need him and can take the terrorists down themselves. Chris uses the submarine and attacks the terrorists in the battle. They lose however and Chris gets hit. He is then captured by Kim Jong-il's men and taken prisoner.

When Gary arrives to free them after returning to the team, Chris is still angry with him and is outraged at his arrival, claiming they can handle the job without him. The two of them team up however and battle with the actors. When they encounter Susan Sarandon tied up, Susan lies to them and uses her acting to persuade them that the F.A.G. tied her up because she wouldn't go along with their plan. She offers help and claims she'll show them to the theater to stop Kim Jong-il. Chris believes her but Gary sees through her lies and shoots her dead when she breaks free to try and kill them. After this, Chris finally reveals his reasons for distrusting Gary, and apologizes for being so hard on him, saying after the events are over that he would like to buy him a beer. The two of them head towards the theater but get knocked out by a surprise attack from members of the F.A.G.

As Tim Robbins prepares to kill them, Sarah and Joe arrive to the rescue and Chris knocks down Tim. He then engages in a hand to hand fight with Samuel L. Jackson, who he defeats and kills by kicking him so hard in the head that it splits in half. This victory is stopped by Tim, who emerges with two guns. Chris reveals he has bad news for Tim however when he points out that he's a smoker. He drops his lit cigarette and the petrol that Tim was going to kill Gary and Chris with becomes ignited and Tim becomes engulfed with flames and burns to death.

Chris accompanies the team into the theater where Gary then has to face off with Alec Baldwin. When Gary is nervous about taking him on, Chris comments that Gary is the finest actor he's ever met, and can handle the job. This gives Gary a confidence boost and helps him win over the crowd, resulting in Kim Jong-il and Alec Baldwin's deaths. After Kim Jong-il reveals himself as a Zypod and flees the palace, Chris reminds the team that there are still a lot of bad guys out there that need dealing with. He then joins the rest of the team as they head for their vehicles and prepare for a new mission on the war against terrorism.