|“||Ya see? This is exactly what I'm talkin' about! Giant balls of fury lava, the size of mammoths, raining from the sky!!||„|
|~ Fast Tony|
Fast Tony is a con artist armadillo and anti-hero in Ice Age: The Meltdown. He was a male armadillo who attempted to sell other animals items in exchange for food.
He is voiced by former Late Night host Jay Leno.
Fast Tony, with the aid of his foolish glyptodon assistant Stu, sold off a number of products to other animals, claiming that the products he sold would aid the buyers. In time, he looked around at the land and saw that the ice and snow were melting, and found a new niche to sell things: the waterpark. Fast Tony's claims were dismissed by a number of animals, who mocked his claims, notably his trying to peddle river reeds, claiming that they could suction air straight from the skies. Approaching a gullible aardvark, Fast Tony inquired of her whether she had gills and if she could breathe underwater so as to prove his point. Fast Tony called on Stu to demonstrate: Stu, foolish as ever, stuck the reed in his nose, to Fast Tony's disgust, who shoved the reed in Stu's mouth and forced his head underwater. This proved to demonstrate Fast Tony's reeds, though it forced Stu to pull himself out of the water, gasping for air.
Fast Tony saw that all the ice in the ice age world was melting, causing floods to occur, and so he took to becoming a con artist, with a glyptodon named Stu as his lackey. Fast Tony began to peddle items such as bark and river reeds, claiming that they would grant the buyer safety from the floods. Few creatures were convinced that Fast Tony was being honest, and dismissed his ideas, among the disbelievers was Manny, who claimed that Fast Tony was lying. Fast Tony was eventually proven right, as Manny and his friends discovered that the meltdown was real. Fast Tony himself was surprised that his claim of an oncoming flood was true, but he hid his surprise quickly, confirming Manny's statement.
The other animals of the valley then left to find a means of escaping the floods, and Fast Tony was among them before he found Stu's empty shell, which had been left behind when Stu was attacked and eaten by two prehistoric sea reptiles. Fast Tony found a new use for Stu's empty shell as he tried to pawn it off to the other animals and use it as a soapbox from time to time. The valley eventually flooded and was drained of the waters, and the animals of the valley returned to land, among them was Fast Tony, who gleefully told Stu's empty shell that they survived, adding that at least he himself had.