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How would you like us to dispose of him, my love?
~ Snake to Tinka about Mr. Dewey

Flat Critters is a team of heroes from the 1998 Canadian-American teen comedy film titled Strike! in Canada, titled All I Wanna Do in the United States, and titled The Hairy Bird in Australia. They protect and defend the students of Miss Godard's Preparatory School for Girls. They go after a group of four Saint Ambrose boys who tricked a girl into a humiliating topless photograph. They save Odette before she is sexually assaulted by one of the school's teachers Mr. Frank Dewey.

The Team

The five members of Flat Critters are Beagle, Groundhog, Possum, Skunk and their leader Snake.

Snake is portrayed by Vincent Kartheiser.
Beagle is portrayed by Aaron Poole.
Groundhog is portrayed by Danny Smith.
Possum is portrayed by Michael Barry.
Skunk is portrayed by Zachary Bennett.

All members of Flat Critters are townies; i.e., they are not students at Miss Godard's and are residents of the town where Miss Godard's is located. The team is called Flat Critters because everyone on the team takes and shares pictures of roadkill they find. They are all white male teenagers and wear typical 1960's teenager clothing. They all have fun, energetic personalities with Snake standing out as a charismatic, sensitive, and poetic persona. Snake falls in love with Tinka Parker when he first sees her. Throughout the film, Snake pursues Tinka's love but she continuously rebuffs his advances. Eventually, Snake wins her over through his heroic leadership of Flat Critters.

Heroism

On the day of the school dance, a group of four Saint Ambrose boys put together a total of eighty dollars as prize money for the boy who can get a photograph with a girl having the biggest breasts. The four boys are: Dinwiddy, Adam, Schumacher, and Todd Winslow. As everyone is being paired up with their dates each boy eyed their date's chest to gauge their chances on winning the money. Once all the match-ups were completed, Todd Winslow saw he had the biggest chance. Todd Winslow did his best to be funny, charming, and witty to his date Theresa "Tweety" Goldberg. By the time of the actual dance, Tweety developed intimate feelings for Todd. When Todd asked if they could go someplace private Tweety led him to an empty classroom. The two held each other for a while Todd slowly removed Tweety's brassiere. While Todd was undressing he discovers that Tweety had stuffed her bra with a scarf. When Todd fully removed Tweety's bra he turned her around and pulled up her top. Tweety is surprised when a camera flashes to take their picture. Unbeknownst to Tweety, Todd had signaled a Saint Ambrose boy carrying a camera to follow them. After the picture was taken, Todd and the photographer meet up with the other boys to collect the prize money while Tweety runs crying to the girls' bathroom and tells Tinka everything that happened.

The Saint Ambrose gang in (Strike! - All I Wanna Do - The Hairy Bird) standing in their underwear after being defeated by the Flat Critters

The Saint Ambrose gang defeated by the Flat Critters.

While Todd is talking with Schumacher and the other boys about Tweety's breasts the Flat Critters slowly come out of the shadows and starts beating up the Saint Ambrose boys. The film cuts back to the school dance where Tinka is angry and looking for Todd Winslow. She does not find Todd or anybody who knows of Todd's whereabouts. Tinka speaks with Mr. Dewey and wants to report Todd for what he did to Tweety. Mr. Dewey brushes her off while they dance together. The two are interrupted when Snake wearing a Saint Ambrose uniform cuts in to dance with Tinka. Tinka starts asking Snake where he got the uniform. He says a preppy gave it to him. Tinka looks at the name on the uniform and sees that the uniform belongs to Todd Winslow. Tinka smiles at Snake because Snake had beaten up Todd to get the uniform. She is very pleased that Snake avenged what Todd did to Tweety without even saying a word about it. Tinka shows her gratitude to Snake in an intimate way. Groundhog, Possum, and Skunk also show up at the dance each wearing a Saint Ambrose uniform and enjoying all the fun. After Verena's sabotage of the concert succeeds, the film shows what happened to the Saint Ambrose boys after they were beaten up by the Flat Critters. The Saint Ambrose boys were locked up in a van and Beagle stayed to guard the van. The Flat Critters take each Saint Ambrose boy out of the locked van stating what type of underwear each boy was wearing. Schumacher and Todd Winslow wore boxers while the photographer and the other boy wore briefs. Groundhog takes the photographer's camera and smashes it to prevent Tweety's topless photo from ever being developed.

On the night of the school dance, Dennis was going to fulfill Odette's lifelong dream of having sex. However, due to unforeseen events this never happens but Dennis manages to convince Odette to aspire for higher goals in life. Their tryst was interrupted when Mr. Dewey found their hiding spot. Mr. Dewey kicks out Dennis and is about to sexually assault the defenseless Odette.

Mr. Dewey in (Strike! - All I Wanna Do - The Hairy Bird) being left in Miss McVane's office because he tried to attack Odette

Mr. Dewey defeated by the Flat Critters.

The Flat Critters are alerted by Dennis that Odette is in trouble. Tinka shows the Flat Critters another way to enter the hiding place. They all slowly sneak into the hiding place as Mr. Dewey and Odette are talking. When Mr. Dewey places his hand on Odette's head the Flat Critters grab Mr. Dewey away from Odette. They pull down his jacket to bind his arms. They pull down his pants to bind his legs and reveal his boxer shorts to everyone. When Mr. Dewey is incapacitated Snake asks Tinka how should they dispose of the teacher. Mr. Dewey is then stripped of all his clothing including his boxer shorts. The Flat Critters trap Mr. Dewey in Miss McVane's office. As a sign of compassion, Odette leaves Mr. Dewey an old Miss Godard's school uniform to cover himself. When the school concert is over Miss McVane and Mrs. Dewey find Mr. Dewey wearing the old girls' uniform. Mr. Dewey is subsequently fired the next day. Due to the Flat Critters' heroic rescue of Odette, Tinka's affection and love for Snake culminates in a ride on a cherry picker at the end of the movie.

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All I Wanna Do (1998 film)
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