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|“||The last girl I went out with dumped me because I happen to like this giant robot dinosaur cult.||„|
|~ Kevin Crawford|
Kevin Pubesalad Crawford is the main protagonist of the Netflix original series, Paradise P.D. He is an 18-year-old police officer, who works at Paradise Police Department. Kevin is clumsy, cocky, and most of all, stupid. However, he is still a dedicated and ambitious cop, who wants to protect and serve.
He is voiced by David Herman.
- In "Welcome to Paradise", Kevin became a police officer so that he could protect and serve his beloved city. When he started working there, he singlehandedly discovered where Terry Two-Toes was hiding out and busted his argyle meth case. He also cut a stop sign into the shape of a ninja star and threw it at Terry, cutting his arm off, so that he wouldn't blow up the dentistry. This earned him the respect of his parents and co-workers, who previously doubted him and began his career as an official member of Paradise P.D.
- In "Ass on the Line", Kevin taught a fourth-grade classroom about staying away from child molesters, in the form of an entertaining and humorous song. In the song, he pointed out that the school teacher, Mrs. Horn was in possession of child pornography. Although his dad didn't appreciate the way he acted when teaching the kids, he did admit that Kevin did a good job at busting Mrs. Horn for her child porn collection. Kevin would later come to question the argyle meth case and thought he should look deeper into it. Kevin took Bullet to a dogfighting arena to find out of they had anything to do with the argyle meth corporation. Bullet joined the dogfighting game and Kevin overheard that Frank Flipperfist planned to kill Bullet in the next game. Kevin tried to warn Bullet but he dismissed his warnings. Later, Kevin tried to fight Bullet's opponent, himself, leading to him getting torn to shreds.
- In "Black & Blue", Kevin investigated the argyle meth case more and later helped Fitz prove to the public that he was an innocent man by having him play both sides at the Black Lives Matter and Blue Lives Matter protests.
- In "Karla 9000", Kevin used his new police car, Karla 9000, to bust criminals and save lives.
- In "Dungeons & Dragnet", Kevin led an army of D&D nerds in an attack on the Paradise Pentecostal Church in order to stop them from unfairly burning all of the Dungeons & Dragons games. After Randall broke his arm in a fight with Satan, Kevin took over for him and had the finishing blow in defeating The Devil and sending him back to Hell.
- In "Meet the Jabowskis", Kevin kept people in order around Paradise by dressing a hooker as the absentee Gina to trick them into thinking she was still out and about.
- In "Police Academy", Kevin continued to think about the argyle meth case, trying to find out who the real kingpin was. When finding out he never completed his training in police academy, he went to police academy to train and become a better cop. During his training, he proved to be very skilled and excellent at everything he did. Chief Hancock was astonished with Kevin's competence and greatness as a police officer and rightfully passed him. Hancock offered Kevin a position in the Diamond City Police Academy and as mich as Kevin wanted to get a job, working somewhere he was appreciated, he knew it was wrong to side with his dad's enemy, especially after how he treated him, so he left Diamond City P.D. to go back to Paradise P.D. and even got some revenge on Hancock by showing an embarassing sex video of him and Mavis. However, this backfired, as it only embarrassed Randall and made Hancock feel pride.
- In "Task Force", Kevin and his new task force busted argyle meth criminals. Later, they went in disguise at the circus to see if they were selling argyle meth. It turned out they were only false advertising, which wasn't really a crime. When Fitz was traumatized by clowns, Kevin rushed to his rescue. However, by the time he got there, it was already too late and Fitz was comatose.
- In "Parent Trap", Kevin reunited his parents by having them come over for a family game night, where he reminded them about why they fell in love with each other in the first place. At the end of the episode, Kevin discovered the missing security footage of what happened to Terry Two-Toes and found out that he was actually killed by a fellow cop on the team and it was up to him to find out who it was.
- In "Christmas in Paradise", Kevin observed the security footage and then secretly investigated every single member of Paradise P.D. to see who was the true killer of Terry Two-Toes. He observed every member of the team until Dusty was framed for the murder. Kevin wasn't so sure that Dusty was the killer but the public believed it was him and they all congratulated him for his heroism.
- In "Paradise Found", Kevin was hailed as a national hero for saving Paradise from the argyle meth kingpin. However, he knew that it was all based on a lie because Dusty was innocent. Kevin sacrificed his own fame and glory by uncovering footage that proved Dusty's innocence, which made him go from being hailed as a hero to being shunned as a pariah. Kevin didn't care, as he knew he did the right thing for Dusty and if ruining his own life meant saving someone else's, it was a sacrifice he knew he should take.
- In "Big Ball Energy", Kevin went to the zoo, where a baby was about to be mauled and eaten by a bunch of chimpanzees. Kevins saved the baby's life by masturbating in front of the monkeys to distract them long enough for the zookeeper to break into the exhibit and save the baby.
- In "Tucker Carlson is a Huge Dick", Kevin attempted to stop a liquor store robbery by throwing a ninja star at Robby and Delbert but he forgot to let go and cut himself in the leg.
- In "Who Ate Wally's Waffles?", Kevin did nothing of importance.
- In "The Father, The Son, and The Holy Post-It Note", Kevin assisted Agent Clappers in finding whoever broke into and ransacked the FBI headquarters. Kevin was told to wear a wire and spy on Randall. Although Kevin didn't want to believe that his father committed the crimes, he knew he had to interview him. Sure enough, his father admitted to being a criminal and he was arrested.
- In "Flip the Vote", Kevin learned from Randall that Fitz was the houndstooth meth kingpin, but denied this, believing these claims to be ridiculous. He also helped his mom with winning the mayoral election against Fitz. However, Karen made a lot of terrible decisions, doing illegal and unethical things to win the election, which made Kevin lose trust in her. In the end, Kevin voted against Karen and being the only person in town who voted, he won Fitz the election. Kevin knew that even though Karen was his mom, she was being a bad person so he had to vote for Fitz. Unfortunately, Fitz turned out to be a villain and he shot Randall. Thankfully, Kevin's childhood drawing of him and Randall deflected the bullet so Kevin had enough time to go back and save Randall and then escape Paradise.
- In "Paradise P.D. Meets Brickleberry", Kevin helped Woody look for Malloy. When Dr. Kuzniak switched brains with a duck and flew away, Kevin discovered a clue in his pocket that Randall was trying to omit and he presented it to Woody to help him find Malloy's poacher. In the end, when The Poachmaster General was trying to escape the strip club with the money and the bag of bear, Kevin (in disguise as a stripper) stopped him, along with the help of his other police officers.
- In "Operation: D.D.", Kevin used Dr. Kuzniak's brain device to transport himself inside of Fitz's brain to help convince the real Fitz to escape Pussyland and take down The Kingpin.
- Kevin is the only non-villainous member of Paradise P.D.
- Kevin is talented in metal fabrication.
- Kevin is a virgin.
- Kevin is a Dungeons & Dragons player with the alter-ego, "Merkin the Mage".
- Kevin can't poop without his mommy helping him.
- Kevin has translucent eyelids.
- In "Operation: D.D." Kevin said that his favorite anime was My Hero Academia. This is interesting, as he shares many similarities with the show's main character, Izuku Midoriya.
- Both have admired their heroes since childhood and aspired to be one when they grew up. (In Kevin's case, his childhood hero was Randall, while in Izuku's case, it was All Might)
- Both were discouraged from achieving their dreams as children for their own respective reasons. (In Izuku's case, it was because he didn't have a quirk, while in Kevin's case, it was because he shot his dad in the testicles)
- Both were lacking in skills at first but overcame their weaknesses.
- Both are dedicated to saving the lives of people in danger even if it doesn't concern them.
- Both are generally kind and gentle, but when they're in combat, they'll show their abrasive sides.
- For the first 18 years of his life, Kevin didn't have a middle name (like the one his parents attempted to give him was rejected by the hospital for being a racial slur). In "Operation: D.D.", Randall made his middle name "Pubesalad" (pronounced: Poo-Beh-Suh-Lawd"). It was his grandfather's name.