| “ | I sleep in a racing car, do you? (Homer Simpson: I sleep in a big bed with my wife). Oh. | „ |
| ~ Kirk Van Houten. |
Kirk Evelyn Van Houten is a supporting character in the animated television series The Simpsons. He is the father of Milhouse, and former ex-husband of Luann (they reconciled), and a good friend of Homer Simpson. Although he is married, Kirk is also having an affair with Marge Simpson.
Early Life and Marriage[]
Kirk served in the U.S. Army and graduated from Gudger College. He worked at his father-in-law's cracker factory, 'Southern Cracker' (the Dryyyyy Cracker), in middle management, but when Luann leaves him, he is fired from the factory. According to Luann, Kirk was not a very good provider, and she had to borrow money from her sister or steal clothes from the church donation box. He is of Dutch and Danish descent, but favors the former. He bickers with Norbert Van Houten, Milhouse's uncle, about the latter's Danish heritage.
Affair with Marge Simpson[]
Luann Van Houten leaves her husband, Kirk, alone in the house and goes to La Tienda en Casa to buy Nutribullet. Marge Simpson knocks on the door of Kirk's house. Kirk opens the door of his house. Marge is invited by Kirk to his house. Kirk and Marge then begin to have an affair in the couch and end up falling in love. Kirk makes out with Marge in the couch. Unbeknownst to his wife, Luann, Kirk helps Marge escape the Van Houten house. The next morning, Luann goes to yoga in the living room. Marge uses a ladder to climb to the window of Kirk's room. Marge opens the window of Kirk's room and closes it. Marge appears in Kirk's room. Kirk then carries on his affair with Marge and falls in love with her again. In his bed, Kirk makes out with Marge. Kirk secretly helps Marge escape the Van Houten house again. That evening, Kirk leaves his wife alone in the house and drives to the downtown cafeteria. In the downtown cafeteria, Kirk drinks a coffee from a glass. Marge appears in front of Kirk, surprising him. Kirk invites Marge to the downtown cafeteria. Kirk continues with his affair with Marge and falls in love with her. Kirk and Marge make out in the downtown cafeteria. Kirk and Marge then return to their houses. The next morning, Luann leaves her husband, Kirk, alone in the house, and goes to La Tienda en Casa to buy Jocca for herself. Marge knocks on the door of Kirk's house. Kirk opens the door of his house. After being invited by Kirk to his house, Marge tells Kirk that she wants to have sex with him. Kirk has no choice but to accept. Kirk and Marge then begin to kiss and rip off each other's clothes, making love. Later, Kirk and Marge end up naked under the blanket in Luann's bed. In Luann's bed, Kirk and Marge engage in a conversation. Luann returns to her house with the bag (which contains Jocca), but catches Kirk committing adultery with Marge. Luann blames Marge for causing Kirk's extramarital affair and slaps her again. Enraged, Luann harshly rages at her husband for his infidelity and repeatedly slaps him. Also, Luann blames Kirk for impregnating Marge.
Kirk After Divorce[]
After the divorce, Kirk was stereotypical middle-aged male loser and deadbeat dad, suffering depression after his divorce from Luann. He has been seen with one girlfriend since - Starla Starbeam, a chainsmoking alcoholic who stole his car. Luann got custody of Milhouse when they divorced, but Kirk has visitation rights. Much to his displeasure, Milhouse often addressed him as "Weekend Dad". Kirk suffers from the need to cry all the time after his divorce, even in good times. He once cut his foot off to try to get Luann back. After being fired from the Cracker Factory, he struggled to hold down a job. He was once employed as an assistant to the guy who puts fliers under people's windshield wipers. Kirk also had a job standing on the curb holding a sign directing people to a condo development and worked as a scarecrow protecting a soy-bean crop, which resulted in his eye being gouged by a crow. Since being fired from the cracker company, Kirk seems to be unable to maintain a steady job. He attended Leavelle's Bodyguard Academy and he was also was a singer who sold his tapes from the trunk of his car. His song was titled "Can I Borrow A Feeling" and the album featured a picture of Kirk on the front in a robe, which he was using in an attempt to be a smoking jacket. He was also unemployed at some point, surviving on alimony payments and unemployment benefits. In the episode Days of Wine and D'oh'ses, Kirk is present at Barney's A.A. meeting. The episode was aired after Kirk and Luann divorced, suggesting that Kirk became an alcoholic after the divorce.
Arrest[]
He was once arrested for kidnapping. When Bart goes to a concert his parents banned him from, he hides at Kirk's apartment which leads to his arrest. Despite liking the attraction from the ladies outside the prison, he is released when Principal Skinner, Lisa and Alcatraaz find out Bart was lying.
Gallery[]
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