Natalya Ivanova

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“	You're not too bright, are you? I like that in a villain.	„
	~ Natalya

Natalya Nikolaevna Ivanova (Russian: Наталья Николаевна Ива́нова) is Cryptosporidium-138's love interest in the Destroy All Humans! games.

She was voiced by Courtenay Taylor, who also voiced Prudence Kane and Patty Wurst.

Biography[]

Destroy All Humans! 2[]

Natalya was first encountered on The Rock in Bay City, and killed a KGB Agent who was about to shoot Crypto. When Crypto first caught a glimpse of Natalya just before she disappeared, he was dazed at her beauty before he shook it off and continued his mission to prevent Bay City's destruction by Agent Ivan Oranchov's nuclear time-bombs. Later, after Crypto investigated an art gallery in Albion, he discovered that the statues that were unveiled contained the same spores that infected and mutated Oranchov in Tunnel network. Shortly after the statues exploded, Natalya arrived to help Crypto kill the infected humans. Natalya stated that she was a member of the KGB, but was a bit of a rebel, which Crypto was surprised at. What was even more shocking for Crypto, was that Natalya somehow had recognized him as the President of the United States.

Later, after he prevented the KGB from spreading the spores around Albion from Hyde Park, Crypto escorted Natalya to her car and then to her fellow Agent and lover, Sergei. After Crypto was knocked unconscious and interrogated at an underground lab by Reginald Ponsonby-Smythe, Natalya infiltrated and released the lock for the room that Crypto was in. Natalya didn't reappear until after Crypto and Ponsonby's fight. Natalya then told Crypto that she needed to find the hidden files inside the Soviet Embassy and talked him into creating a distraction (i.e., attracting the attention of the KGB and the Army). Once she retrieved the files, Natalya told Crypto to destroy the base so that the KGB wouldn't know that she had taken the files. She then went over the files, learned about "Project Solaris", and that the next bit of information was in Takoshima. In Takoshima, Natalya and Crypto found Dr. Go! and learned of the hidden KGB Base that was located in an active volcano. When they infiltrated the base, Natalya and Crypto encountered Milenkov via video feed. Milenkov then demonstrated the full effects of his spores on an intern, who transformed into a giant Godzilla/Gojira-like monster called Kojira. After he defeated Kojira, Crypto accompanied Natalya to Tunguska, the home of the KGB and location of the Tunguska event of 1908.

In the USSR, Crypto and Natalya sabotaged Soviet operations near the "Strange Base." Later Crypto discovered that another alien race had crash-landed on Earth: they were called the Blisk, who turned out to be the enemies that the Furons had supposedly destroyed millennia ago in the Martian War. They were also known as the Martians, though the locals seemed to think that they were strange Yetis or monsters. The Tunguska Strike of 1908 was actually a downed Blisk Warship that was thought to be a meteorite that crash-landed into the Tunguskan hillside. After he rescued Natalya from a Blisk Poison Bubble, Crypto met Milenkov face to face before he retreated to his base on the Moon, Solaris, in a Blisk Shuttle.

On the Moon, Crypto discovered that Project Solaris was actually a Blisk Super Weapon that was designed to bombard the Earth with spores and let the Blisk have control of Earth as an irradiated and water-logged planet. Crypto took on the form of a spokesman (similar to the first game) and convinced the Cosmonauts to go to war with the Blisk, after he told the Cosmonauts that the Blisk were going to take away their vodka. Crypto caused the American Moon Landing and collected Pox's OMG-WTF virus that was a killing mechanism for the Blisk. Crypto and Natalya battled for their various species to in order save Earth, and, after the Blisk Base was destroyed, the two were about to share a kiss. Milenkov then entered and shot Natalya in the back. Milenkov then revealed himself as a Blisk himself and Crypto fought and killed him.

After he killed Milenkov, Crypto relaxed in his Saucer while Orthopox appeared and told him that he had detected activity in the cloning pods—Pox then realized that Crypto had cloned Natalya. Lying next to him, Natalya appeared to give in to Crypto's lustful advances although he mentioned that he "made a few adjustments".

Big Willy Unleashed[]

Natalya was featured in Destroy All Humans! Big Willy Unleashed. She was not seen, but was heard over a communicator. When Natalya called Crypto for the first time, he didn't remember her at all, much to her shock. Before Natalya could tell Crypto (who was busy on a mission) something important, he hung up. It was revealed that Natalya and Crypto-138 had split up and that she apparently had something to do with Crypto's mysterious competitor, Blastomycosis, who used Furon Weapons. When Crypto was about to execute Blasto, Natalya interrupted and begged that Crypto not harm him because he was their son. Crypto was, at first, surprised by the statement and didn't believe it, but Natalya said that Blasto was born when Crypto tampered with her DNA so that she would not be able to resist him when he cloned her. Crypto then decided to let his son go free. Natalya thanked Crypto and plainly said that she wouldn't call him again.

Path of the Furon[]

In Destroy All Humans! Path of the Furon, Crypto made numerous references to Natalya as the only human that he ever loved, before he lamented that the adjusted clone that he created only had a four year lifespan. Orthopox seemed more irritated by the fact that the emergency cloning chamber was wasted on an inferior life-form. It was revealed in dialogue that Crypto and Natalya's falling out was caused when Natalya caught Crypto with a French maid in Belleville.

Appearance[]

Natalya has short blonde hair, light blue eyes, and a voluptuous figure.

In Bay City, Albion, and Takoshima, Natalya wore a black, vested, leather KGB uniform, with long black boots and matching gloves which covered most of her arms. In Tunguska, Natalya wore a fur-dominant outfit that helped to resist the cold; an outfit that Crypto commented on almost immediately.

On Solaris, Natalya's outfit changed to a more scifi-based spacesuit, with a matching laser blaster. That outfit was mostly silver with a red collar placement and a red cod piece with a red belt. Natalya also wore a "fishbowl" styled helmet, which added to her science fiction look.

In Reprobed, her spy uniform is given a complete overhaul. It is now made of a black synthetic material with a zipper down the front and red accents on the sides, her boots are now red as well, she also has a spy gadget situation over her left wrist. Additionally, the hammer and sickle pin on Natalya's vest has been replaced with a belt buckle in the shape of a USSR star, making her design more symmetrical.

Cortex Scans[]

I'd do Rula Lenska.
Where's my Dr. Zhivago, hm?
My mind says Sharif... but my body says Christie!
I'm not really bad... My concept art was just drawn that way.
I wonder if the KGB offers daycare? A girl's got to think ahead...
Sergei is nice... but is there such a thing as too ruggedly handsome?
How do I make Crypto understand? I just don't feel that way about him.
I really wish Sergei would stop calling me, drunk, at three in the morning.
My mind says Sergei, but my body says... My body says... My body says!...
My mind says Sergei, but my body says C... Wait a minute. That can't be right.
How could you, Stalin? You fed us lies and murdered millions! Cute moustache, though.
I can't help it if I'm built like a sex kitten! What can I say? I have a head for spycraft and a bod for sin.
The Okhrana, the Cheka, Stasi, KGB, CIA, NSA... They are all the same. Little boys with great big toys.
Can I help it if every man I meet turns to borscht? Not to mention bicurious women. Ugh, don't get me started...
Crypto is sweet... Well, he's not sweet, but he's kind... Okay, he's not kind, but he's cute... in a "mutaded rodent" kind of way.
It's so tragic to watch your country betray the very ideals on which it was founded... Not that you'd know anything about that.
Sergei is the kind of man you date, not the kind you marry. Crypto is not even the kind of man you date. Actually, Crypto's not even a man.
Blin (Crap)! I hate being naked... And by "being naked", of course, I mean "operating without backup or cover". Get your mind out of the gutter!
You think it's easy being a female superspy? Try finding maxi-pads at two in the morning in Minsk! I'd like to see James Bond pull that one off...
A nubile 15-year-old who weighs eighty pounds in a soaking wet leotard? How the hell am I supposed to compete with that? Damn you, Olga Korbut!
I suppose I could get Moscow to issue me a more practical set of clothes... Ah. What the hell - if I'm going to save Russia, I might as well look good doing it!
How many times do I have to tell the KGB? I do not do "honey traps"... You want a spy to steal a code? Call me. You want a swallow to seduce a diplomat? Get another girl.
It could never work between Crypto and me. I'm a Virgo, he's a bloodthirsty extraterrestrial bent on the destruction of the human race... How would we raise the children?
My KGB handler wants to date me. The other agents ogle me behind my back. I can't get promoted unless I sleep with the director... Looks like some workers are more equal than others.
If only I had a female friend... Someone to talk to... Someone to laugh with... have sleepovers with, and pillow fights, until milk gets spilled all over someone's nightie... Blin! What-What's come over me?!
A corrupt government, obsessed with power and secrecy, breaking its own laws, allowing no dissent, hoarding wealth while millions struggle... Thank heavens such a thing can never happen in United States!
I don't know... I like Sergei... but he's a little over-the-top. I mean, his idea of a perfect date, is an evening, in a cabin, reading Pushkin by the fire, and finger-feeding each other roasted moose he just hunted himself.
The dream is always the same; I'm riding in a sleigh through the Urals with Sergei... Suddenly, Crypto comes up on a horse and tries to pull me on! And we all hurtle towards a dark tunnel ahead!... What could it mean?
Sergei is sweet... but there is something strangely appealing about a man who is equally at home quoting Pushkin or gutting a Siberian reindeer and wrapping his body in its still-steaming carcass for warmth... He's a charmer.

Quotes[]

Natalya: Shoot the humans all you want, spaceman, but you're only treating the symptoms. You want to get the disease? You have to shoot the spores. Lestrovya!
Crypto: Thanks, cupcake. Always nice to meet a chick who can handle her guns. You got a name?
Natalya: The name is Natalya. I am here to help you, spaceman - or do you prefer "Mr. President"?
Crypto: Mister- what the? Does everybody on this dismal freakin' island know who I am?!
Natalya: Da. Pretty much. At least, everyone in my line of work.
Crypto: Oh... so you work for Ponsonby...
Natalya: Nyet. Although, after this little incident, I may have to ask him for a job. I work for the Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti.
Crypto: Wha... You make pasta?
Natalya: I am a secret agent. With the KGB.
Crypto: The KGB?! Are you yankin' me?! Aw, for cryin' out loud. You're not gonna try and assassinate me, are ya? 'Cause I-I'm a little winded; I could use a second.
Natalya: Don't be ridiculous! The fact is, I'm not very popular in Moscow at the moment. I'm as patriotic as the next coldly beautiful Russian female, but... something's changed in the Kremlin. It's hard to put a finger on. All I know is, I can't just stand by and follow orders anymore! I guess you could say I've... gone rogue.
Crypto: So, you're a secret agent, huh? 'Cause I got a "package" that needs deliverin'. Your eyes only. Dig?
Natalya: I have three knives hidden on my body, and I'm blindingly lethal with all of them... now concentrate.
Crypto: Ooohh... I think I'm in love... Hmm. What the hell do ya think was in those statues?
Natalya: Hard to say. It's listed in official documents as "gyoshniyevkro".
Crypto: Sounds tasty.
Natalya: Mm! It translates as either an incredibly lethal biological weapon, or a quasi-legal performance enhancer for the Soviet Olympic Team. Depending on the context.
Crypto: Why the hell would you turn your back on your own species to hook up with an alien invader from outer space?
Natalya: First: we are not "hooking up". And second: Why would I trust a Furon over a KGB apparatchik? Because everything's gone bezumniy! The Politburo spitting out orders that don't make any sense, my colleagues transforming into irradiated monsters, all hell is breaking loose! Something's happening. Something very, VERY wrong... and I think I'm the only person on Earth who knows it! But not anymore... eh, tovarisch?
Crypto: So, what is it? Some kinda mutagen? 'Cause I don't know what mutants are SUPPOSED to look like, but...
Natalya: Actually, no. It's a spore. It infects a host through inhalation or skin contact. But, after a brief incubation period, it seems to set about genetically rebuilding the victim into something... not human!
Crypto: Ya think somebody engineered it for the purpose?
Natalya: You have a better explanation? I'm just trying to put all the pieces together. At first, I thought it was being made here. But now, I'm not so sure.

Natalya: Hello? Crypto? Uh- can you hear me? I-It's me!... Natalya.
Crypto: Look, sister. I don't know who you are, but I think you've got the wrong number.
Natalya: Crypto! It's me... Natalya... Your ex-lover?
Crypto: Hm... Drawn a blank. Ya might have to narrow it down a bit.
Natalya: You've got to be kidding me... Natalya Ivanova... Ex-KGB agent? We spent the entire last game together fighting the Blisk?
Crypto: Sounds vaguely familiar.
Natalya: You cloned me so we could get it on?
Crypto: Well, hey. It was great hearin' from ya. I'm kinda in the middle of somethin'. So, uh... take care. Gotta run.
Natalya: No no no! Wait! WAIT! I have something very important to tell you! Don't hang up the phone! I-

Natalya: Crypto, wait!
Crypto: Thought ya might phone in on this one, Nats. Say goodbye to your hired goon.
Natalya: My hired goon? Crypto. You are as dense and stubborn as I remember! Blastomycosis isn't a hired assassin... He's our son! That's what I was trying to tell you!
Crypto: Our SON? What, are ya crazy?! That's impossible!
Blasto: I'm no son of yours! Ya alien deadbeat!
Natalya: Blasto, shush!... It would have been impossible, but then you tampered with my DNA in a cloning chamber. I tried to tell you. I thought he was reaching out to you. I gave him the Ion Detonator and jetpack I took from you. I had no idea he was so angry with you. Please... Crypto... don't hurt him!...
Crypto: So... this is a little... awkward. Hey, kiddo. No hard feelings, okay? Wow. You really got your mom's hair, don't ya.
Blasto: Does this... Does this mean you're lettin' me go?
Crypto: You're my own genetically modified flesh and blood. I feel pretty bad about offing you.
Blasto: You won't regret this for as long as you live... Dad. Goodbye!
Natalya: Goodbye, Crypto... and thank you! I won't be calling you again.

Trivia[]

According to some of her cortex scans, she appears to actually be a lesbian.
Before Crypto's "adjustments", it is implied that Natalya found Crypto attractive, but knew she couldn't be with him due to his violent tendencies.
It's possible that Natalya's clone died in 1973 (two years before Big Willy) because she was cloned by Crypto in 1969 and only had a four-year lifespan, which made Crypto depressed.
According to Crypto, Natalya was the love of his life. It was unknown why Crypto left Natalya and why he never went back to her, especially after he learned that they had a son, though it could be theorised that she died before he could.
Natalya's main weapon in most of the game is a Mauser C96, replaced with an Auto Mag Pistol in Reprobed. The only other weapon she used was a sci-fi laser pistol to match her space suit on Solaris.

Licensing[]

This article contains content derived from the "Natalya Ivanova" article on the Destroy All Humans! Wiki, licensed under CC-BY-SA.

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